Stepping Out of Comfort into Not-Knowing

“There is a grief that occurs when who you thought you were begins to disappear.” – Ram Dass

As I prepare to pitch my book and my message in a bigger way, I’m being reminded of the moment my life took a radical turn that led to my becoming an author in the first place.

In 1996 I walked away from the perfect  job teaching at one of the most prestigious Boston schools… At the height of a twenty-year career.

What was I thinking? Why would anyone quit a sure thing?  Teaching was my life. I had seniority, a fabulous community of students and faculty, a salary with full benefits.

You could say I had lost it.

I was at the top of my game, yet I felt completely disconnected. I didn’t know what my purpose was anymore. I didn’t know what I loved, or who I was. What I’d lost was the sense of myself.

So I made the excruciating decision and quit. I felt like I was diving off the deep end without a life preserver or a safety net, not knowing how it would turn out. I still go into spasms of fear and cold sweats when I think about it.

All I could do for the first six months was grieve for the parts of myself that I was deliberately dismantling – unaware that my decision to quit was like a pebble that started an avalanche of clearing and transformation that continues to this day.

Next up: Making Friends with Not-Knowing
Photo Credit: “Zen Path” by Stephanie Bennett Vogt