Being gentle sounds so simple on paper, yet I can think of many ways that I can be unconsciously unkind to myself. I even have a name for my not-so-gentle side:
“Hilda.”
As in “Hard-on-myself-Hilda.”
Inspired by a short video message by Pema Chodron I began to reflect on the ways that Hilda takes over and I forget…(that I can choose ease instead). Here’s what she sounds like (when I’m aware of her bossy back-seat driving):
- “You must soldier on, no matter what, because people depend on you (or worse, the world might end).”
- “Your staying alert and anxious will help the pilot fly this plane better.”
- “You must do it yourself” [variations]: “You cannot trust or rely on anyone to do it as well as you can…You cannot possibly call upon someone to help or support you…Being on the receiving end of the equation means you’re weak…”
- “Letting someone down and disappointing people is really bad…Better to lie than say something that might be hurtful (i.e. make you feel uncomfortable).
- “It’s not okay to not know.”
- “It’s not okay to leave things incomplete, unfinished, or messy.”
- “It’s not okay to do nothing.”
- “Are you sure this list is complete?… Your ‘Hilda list’ has to be perfect.”
Hilda can be very tough, and wily sometimes.
What does your Hilda look like? What helps you remember to go for the “blankey” instead?
